A Swedish remake of Lord of the Rings

Posted on 2014/02/04


A couple of Swedish films have had their Hollywood makeovers and now Noomi Rapace, Joel Kinnaman and Skarsgårds of all ages roam Tinseltown.

This spurs pride in Swedens collective heart – but what if it were the other way around? What if, say, Peter Jacksons epic tale of hiking through New Zealand got a Swedish remake?

A Swedish remake of Lord of the rings

First, Sweden loves changing movie titles: ”The Producers” became ”Hitler’s in fashion again”, ”Swingers” became ”Dude, where the chicks at?” and ”Spotswood” got turned into ”Silence of the slipper-factory”.

Thus we give you ”Romancing the Ring” with taglines such as ”Fellowships/Towers/Kings are in fashion again”.

Now, let’s look at the top-billed cast:

1. Sven Wollter as Gandalf

Sven Wollter som Gandalf

A no-brainer. Who wouldn’t want to here him roar ”Stopp och belägg!” (You shall not pass) at a CGI-balrog?

2. Bill Skarsgård as Frodo

Bil Skarsgård som Frodo

Let the youngest Skarsgård step out of the shadows, why don’t we? He has those same I-can-stare-for-hours-eyes that Elijah Wood used.

3. Joel Kinnaman as Legolas

Joel Kinnaman as Legolas

Well, Legolas was the Robocop of Middle Earth.

4. Kjell Bergqvist as Gimli

Kjell Berqkvist as Gimli

Well, it IS written in Mr. Bergqvists contract that he must play a supporting character in every movie ever to come out of Sweden.

5. Ola Rapace as Aragorn

Ola Rapace as Aragorn

Was he the first choice? No, but neither was Viggo Mortensen. And the hugely productive Ola Rapace has both bad boy savvy and the right hair color.

6. Noomi Rapace as Arwen

Noomi Rapace as Arwen

Just like Arwen and Aragorn, Noomi and Ola Rapace have separated. Now that’s experience to draw on if I ever saw it.

7. Introducing the hobbits

Sagan om ringen Johan Glans Claes Malmberg Per Andersson

Send in the clowns – the ”finest comedy Sweden has to offer”!

8. and Henrik Dorsin as Gollum

Henrik Dorsin as Gollum

My preciousss…. or as we say in Sweden: ”Ringeling, ringeling”

9. With Rikard Wolff as Saruman

Rikard Wolff as Saruman

”I want to let all the hyenas into the lion– I mean ALL the uruk-hai into Middle Earth.”

10. Björn Kjellman as Elrond

Björn Kjellman as Elrond

11. Michael Nyqvist as Denethor

Mikael Nyqvist as the Steward of Gondor

12. Mikael Persbrandt as Boromir

Mikael Persbrandt som Boromir

13. Jonas Karlsson as Faramir

Jonas Karlsson som Faramir

14. Stellan Skarsgård as Théoden

Stellan Skarsgård as Theoden

15. Alexander Skarsgård as Éomer

Alexander Skarsgård as Eomer

Also starring…

16. Tuva Novotny as Éowyn

Tuva Novotny as Éowyn

17. Lena Endre as Galadriel

Lena Endré as Galadriel

18. And Shanti Roney as Grima Wormtongue

shanti roney as grima wormtongue